


Heralding Havoc

by zoink98



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Reality, Angst, Backstory, Bisexual Female Character, F/M, Fluff, Hunters & Hunting, Original Character(s), Strippers & Strip Clubs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:58:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 14,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3965248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoink98/pseuds/zoink98
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Original female character, Holly, has been hunting with the Winchesters for years now. Cas has known her for a while and has kept his feelings a secret. Crowley can pick up on emotions and uses that to his advantage.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first posted fanfic and I am unsure of what tags to use so bear with me please. I hope you enjoy it.

Heralding Havoc

It is incredibly cold outside. Las Vegas in the winter in not a place you ever want to go again. Sam is hunkered down on the side of a building watching the street and you are standing next to him holding your gun and waiting for a signal. Shape shifters are always a nasty SOB to deal with. Dean thinks he has tracked this one down to Caesars Palace. Dean followed in what he thought was the shape shifter and is now stalking it through the casino; trailing it as it weaves its way between the slot machines and poker tables. As soon as Dean gives you and Sam the signal, a little flashing light sent from Dean's phone, you will move to either side of the back door and get ready to slice this dickweed with some sliver. After 8 or so minutes have passed by without any sign, you start to get worried. Sam is too; you can sense it. He is gripping his knife so tight his knuckles have turned alabaster, and not the good kind. You keep fingering the gun in your hand, loaded with silver bullets, ready at any moment to shoot the shifter right in between the eyes. You can do it too. You have amazing aim and almost never miss. Before you met the Winchester boys, before you even started hunting, you took archery. You loved going the the range after school and on the weekends and practicing your aim. You had a knack for it. But once your mother and stepfather were killed by a poltergeist, you started carrying guns. This was 11 years ago. Since then, you have spent every waking hour trying to kill as many paranormal creatures as you possibly can. When you first met the Winchesters you were 22 and your brother was still alive. Now you’re 27 and your brother has been dead for nearly four years; killed on a hunt, how cliche. A small red dot flashes on Sam’s phone and he motions for you to stand next the the door, on alert. There are a few crashes coming from inside the room and judging by the overflowing dumpster by your head, this door leads straight into the kitchen. Suddenly the door flies open and two human shapes come barreling towards you. On closer look, the shapes are that of Dean Winchester and a very pretty woman with wicked dark purple hair wearing a small leather skirt and a sparkly sequined top. If this is the shifter, it changed skin while it was inside the building because the person Dean followed in was a burly black security man, and this is no burly black security man. In fact, this woman is extremely hot. You are surprised Dean doesn’t have a huge boner wrestling her to the ground. Well, knowing Dean, he probably does. If you were in his place and you had a dick, you would have a mountain in your pants right now. Coming out as bi to the guys was pretty hard. You knew that not everyone was as accepting as you were and if thaken the wrong way, you might have to find a new place to crash at night. You were extremely surprised when they were so cool with it. In fact, Dean may have been a little too cool with it. His face seemed to light up when he realized that you have done the dirty with not only guys but chicks as well. “Holly!” Sam’s yell cuts through your head and you realize that back in the real world Dean has pinned down the slutty chick and Sam has cut her upper arm and it is burning, bubbles popping up on the surface every few seconds just to burst and send clear liquid spilling down the side of her arm. This is our bitch.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly thinks about how attractive she finds Cas.

Vegas may seem all big and glamorous but when you get down to it, it is just a city full of drunk idiots blowing their cash and throwing up in bathrooms. Although there are tons of ritzy hotels around with five star everything, the Winchesters like to keep a low profile. Actually no profile at all and that is why they are staying at a Motel 6. The crappiest and cheapest place they could find. You love to hunt but you will never EVER get used to the hotels. Most of them don’t even have hot water and there have been a few with bugs in the sheets. Thankfully, this one doesn’t. Maybe Vegas has some class after all.  
Dean is lounging on his bed with a beer in one hand and a local paper in the other. Something about police reports. That kind of crap you don't read. Sam is in the small one-person-at-a-time bathroom washing his hands. He seems to have gotten the majority of the shifters skin on him. Playfully, you sneak up behind him, careful to hide behind his enormous body so you dont show up in the mirror. You poke both of his sides at the same time making him jump and the last little slimy bit of shifter fall out of his hair and onto the sink. This looks like a piece of face. Yep, you see a few eyelashes mixed in with the jelly-like skin.  
“Dean, toss me a beer why don’t you” Sam asks.  
“These things will kill you” Dean snarkily replies as he takes another swing of his.  
You are just about to head out to your room which is the one right across the hall when suddenly from behind you comes a voice that wasn't there just a second ago. You spin around and before you even realize who it is, you have your gun pulled from your belt, still loaded with the silver bullets, aimed right at an angels face.  
“Holly” Castiel says with a curt nod towards you. “Dean, Sam, hello,” He says with a glance around the room.  
“Cas! how many times have I told you to use the front door!” you yell at him as you disarm your weapon.  
“I’m sorry, but there was a man in the hallway and I thought it might disturb him slightly if a person just appeared behind him.” Cas says apologetically.  
“It’s Vegas, Cas” Dean pipes in. “That guy is probably drunk or stoned off his ass. He wouldn’t of known you from the back of his hand.”  
“I do not understand that but I ‘get your drift’” Cas says with finger quotations.  
“Where on heaven or earth did you learn that saying?!” You exclaim with a laugh.  
“I am hip now.” Says Cas with a slight shoulder lift showing how proud of this small accomplishment he is. He doesn’t know this and you’re sure that the boys haven’t picked up on it yet either but you have a seriously thing for Cas. Everything about him just mystifies you and on top of all of that, his vessel, Jimmy Novak, is crazy attractive. And the way that he is able to make that face, and butt, his own, is just so damn hot. When he smiles, which is not often, his puppy dog eyes crinkle and his mouth turns upside down from his normal completely stoic expressions. You are not sure if he is a virgin, but you certainly aren’t and if you ever got the chance to do him, you would snatch it up in a heartbeat.  
Cas is giving you a weird head-cocked look and you realize that while he can’t read thoughts word for word, he can pick up signals such as estrogen release and heart pace quickening. Getting yourself under control, he slowly turns back to the boys, which are looking at you also with quizzical expressions. Damn it, you think. You are going to blow this little crush of yours and then the boys will never let you hear the end of it.  
Castiel goes on to tell the trio about a possible demon making deals in Atlanta, Georgia. You listen but your mind doesn’t process anything. Cas is standing in front of you and the only thing your mind is on is his ass. When you first met the boys and started hunting with them, you were very attracted to Sam. His hair was great and he had an incredible body, but the more you got to know them, the more Sam seemed just like a brother, not someone you might want to bang. But as soon as Castiel stepped into the picture, you knew there was no way in hell he could ever be like family. He is way too distant and serious around you, and an angel for Christ’s Sake! Sam and Dean are listening intently to whatever Cas is saying and you nod along, still thinking about his body. So when Cas turns to you with his middle and index finger out, you aren’t ready for the instant transport that comes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam and Dean find out about Holly's feelings while starting another hunt that Cas brought them to.

Before you can begin to object or even blink you are standing in an alleyway that you assume is somewhere in Atlanta Georgia. Cas still has his fingers on your forehead and his other hand on Sam’s. He releases you and just like that Dean is there. You didn’t even have a chance to blink before Cas had left and Dean was standing beside him.   
“The demon is in that bar.” Cas states.  
“What do you want us to do? Knife him or capture and interrogate?” Sam asks Castiel.  
“As far as my knowledge of this demon goes, he has been making ten year deals and cutting them short at a few months.” Cas explains, “Kenny Malcolm made the deal to be a sales associate with Microsoft and three months later; found ripped apart at his beach house in Florida. Leslie Garner was in Atlanta for a cake convention and met the demon at a bar, he sweet talked her and next thing you know she is signing over her soul for a big bakery complex in New York City. Found dead IN THAT BAKERY seven months later.”  
“Ok, so no reasoning with this son of a bitch then.” You look over to the boys and see they are nodding along with you. You start towards the bar “Demon’s Run” and turn around to holler at the guys “Lets go kill some hell creatures boys!” Cas has already left. He is always dropping you off with very little information.  
Sam jogs to catch up with you as you make your way to the tavern.   
“What was that back there Holly?” He asks swinging his arm over your shoulder, holding you tightly against him so you can't avoid the question.  
You look up at him. Him being 6’4 and you only 5’2, he is always towering over you, even when he sits it still feels like you are always looking up at him. “What was what? I dont know what you are talking about.” You say, lying to him.   
“Um, yeah sure.” He chuckles “You keep telling yourself that. I DEFINITELY saw something back there. You were all spacey. And staring at his ass.”  
Your face heats up and you scratch behind your ear. “He has a nice ass, thats all.” You mumble, looking down at your feet. By this time Dean has caught up.  
“Who has a nice ass? It’s me isn’t it? Go ahead, have a feel. I wont bite, hard.” He says with a wink towards you.   
“Oh God” you say under your breath.  
“It’s Cas actually.” Sam adds.  
You face palm your forehead and slowly slide your hand down, pulling at your eyelids.  
“Cas? Really, why?” Dean complains looking a bit annoyed.   
You are only a few feet from the building now, close enough to hear the pulsing music. Seems like this is more of a nightclub than a bar. Cas was a bit off.   
“I am not talking about this right now!” You say sprinting ahead to open the door. If either of the guys say anything back to you, it is covered by the sound ear-imploding music. You step inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters are a little short, and I apologize for that. This was the first longer fanfiction I wrote and I was still trying to figure everything out. My others are a bit longer than this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt Cas gave the Winchesters and Holly turns out to be a lot more than they had orginally anticipated.

Bright lights coming from every direction momentarily blind you. You’ll be deaf in the morning. Sam and Dean come up behind you. Dean motions for Sam to check the bar and you to check the tables. Of course, he will check around the strippers. You head over to the table to begin your search. The boys always carry holy water and you have learned to also. But squirting random strangers in public places is not looked upon highly so you usually settle for the old way of saying “christo.” Now of course, in a crowded club with tons of scantily clad people grinding around you, that is easier said then done. You will just have to get close enough, and friendly enough, to say it to them. Lucky for you, guys and girls both attract you and when a person has been drinking profusely, it doesn’t matter who hits on you, you’ll go home with anyone, even if you are completely heterosexual. Trying to keep your eyes off the beautiful people dancing around poles onstage, you make your way over to the first group of people.   
“Hey” you smile to the guy to your right. He is definitely drunk. Slurrily he says “You look hot. Wanna dance.” You are wearing jeans and a light red jacket. Your short hair is in a beanie. Wondering how drunk he would have to be to think you looked hot, you agree and start moving your body around his. He grabs your ass and you freeze a bit but you realize that this is for the hunt you go along with it. Moving in closer so you are pressed against him, you lean in and whisper in his ear. He doesn’t respond so you say it a bit louder. Still nothing. This guy is definitely not it. You push away from him and head on to the next two people. Both girls, blonde. One is wearing tight leather pants and the other a sequiney dress that barely covers her tits. They are dancing with each other; arms in the air, hips rotating. The only way to get close enough to for them to hear you is to dance along with them. So, throwing your arms in the air, you make your way to them, dancing like the idiots around you. Above you, suspended on platforms, more girls dance in bejeweled bras and panties to throbbing music and neon lights.   
“Christo” you yell when you are close enough to the girls. To your utter shock, both of them stop dancing to stare at you with their pitch black eyes.   
“Oh shit.”   
As if they are the same person, they stalk towards you, swinging their hips until you are backed up against the wall. They each have one hand on one of your shoulders, pushing you forcefully into the wall. In any other situation, you would be extremely turned on right now, but with their black eyes staring straight at you, the only emotion you feel is pure terror. Out of the corner of your eye you see three more people approaching; each with black eyes. It’s times like this that you wish the boys had taken you up on your idea about having tracking devices in your watches. Just click it and a signal is sent to the others.   
“Who are you” one of the blondes hisses. The other joins in with her own questions. “Are you a hunter? Why are you here?”  
“I, um…” you lose the words when the others have appeared. All three are males.   
“Spit it out!” The blonde in leather pants yells.  
“Yes, yes! I’m a hunter! I, uh, I was here to find the demon responsible for cutting peoples contracts off too soon.” You manage to say. Oh god, where are the boys when you need them.   
Cas, you think. Angel radio. If you pray hard enough he might be able to hear it. Shutting your eyes really tight you think, 'Oh Castiel, wherever you are, you get your adorable ass down here this minute and blast this joint open and get me the hell out of here!'  
There is a blinding flash of light. The hands that were holding you back are now gone. You open your eyes and see Castiel looking intently at you.   
“Holly, I heard your call, are you alright? Do you need healed?” He asks in a husky voice.  
“Um, no I’m fine. Thank God you came though. There were five of them. I don’t know how many more.”   
“God had no part in this.” Cas says in all seriousness. “He has been gone for a long time now, surely you knew that.”  
You roll your eyes. “It’s just an expression, dumbass.”  
From across the club you see Dean making his way toward you.  
“Holls, bad news. This place is crawly in demons.”  
You look over at Cas and sigh. “Yeah I am aware. Cas here just deep fried five of them that had me cornered.”   
“Good going buddy!” Dean says and punches Cas’ shoulder. “But you don’t have enough juice to scorch this entire place. We gotta find the main man and gank him.”  
“Lets go get Sam,” you say, pulling Dean by his flannel.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys and Holly find out who is in charge of the opperation.

You figure that if you can stay low and not bring too much attention to yourselves, you will be able to find the main demon more quickly than if you have to fight off a bunch of his henchmen. Finding Sam by the bar, talking to the bartender, Dean grabs him and pulls him aside to where you and Cas are standing.  
“Man, this place is full of demons. This is like a whole meeting place for them. We gotta find the big guy and get out of here before we kill ourselves,” Dean explains.   
“Right,” says Sam. “Follow me, I have an idea.”  
Sam leads the four of you to the back where there are rooms covered by curtains; each in use by a guy getting a lap dance.  
“Why would he be back here?” asks Cas, trying to peek into one of the rooms. You slap him lightly on the side of the head, enough for him to look around at you. You shake your head, “Don’t look in there, that’s sick,” you say. Castiel looks confused.  
“Hey man,” Dean starts, “any other day you wanna check out some poor ugly bastard getting a piece of ass, I’ll take you. But today we’re working.”  
You roll your eyes.   
Sam starts to motion to the three of you. “Dean, you take the back. Holly and Cas take those left four rooms, I’ll take these three.” You are nod in agreement and set off to your designated rooms.   
You decide that the fastest and easiest way to get through these is to just run in, shout Christo at the top of your lungs and see if either the stripper or the guy enjoying the stripper flinches.   
The first room has a bright blue velvet curtain hanging over it. With Castiel on your heels, you burst into the room and yell Christo. The guy on the couch is looking at you in bewilderment. He waves his hand in a gesture you can only take as “shoo!” The stripper has curly brown hair and is wearing a cowgirl outfit, complete with a hat and whip. She looks almost relieved that someone interrupted her. But with a body like hers, you wouldn't want to be wasting your time on some fat, sweaty loser who tips badly either. Next room.   
Pretty much the same scenario in the next two rooms, middle aged overweight guy sweating buckets as some hot chick in a slutty get-up dances on top of him.   
Before you enter the fourth room, you look back at Cas. He looks very uncomfortable with this situation so you give his hand a reassuring squeeze before you enter the room.  
Before you can say christo, the red curtain swings shut on its own, blocking your view of the outside club. There is no stipper in this room, only one man. An attractive middle aged man with facial hair. You know this man, and a man he is not. This is the King of Hell, Crowley himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeek. This chapter is so short. I'm really sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley uses force to pry information from Castiel.

“Ahh kitten with wings.” He says in his english accent. “how nice to see you on this splendid evening.”  
“You are seriously not the person i was expecting to see in this room tonight.”   
“Nor are you.” He says. “Where are moose and squirrel? Fighting over which stripper Dean is bringing home to bang?”  
“No actually. They are looking for the demon in charge of this nightclub. Which I assume is you. Apparently you have been making and breaking some deals?” You say, putting your hands on your hips.   
“Ahh, I see why you might think that. But actually, that was Raul. He has been disposed of. I do not approve of lying.” Crowley says with a wink. Cas, who has been extremely quiet, sends one thought straight into your head. ‘We need to get out of here.’ You turn to him, shocked. He has never spoken directly to you like that.   
“What? Why?” You ask, still shaken up from that.  
“What is he saying to your head, kitten? That he wants to bang you? Or was that only to me?” Crowley says, sounding slightly annoyed for being ignored.   
‘Holly, he has this room surrounded. We need to leave now.’ Cas says, again inside your head.   
You look back to Crowley, whose eyes are closed in what looks like concentration. Suddenly, Crowley opens his eyes.  
“Wings!” He exclaims, “Cas, Cas, Cas. Although I can’t directly pick up thoughts from you, I too can pick up information. You like this human.”   
Cas goes completely rigid next to you.  
Crowley continues, “And not like you like your playthings, the Winchesters, no, no, no. You like like her. I didnt even know celestial beings were capable of that emotion. Lets just see if I picked up those signals correctly.” As he says that, you feel yourself being dragged backwards towards Crowley. There is a knife at your neck.   
Cas takes a big step forward, his hand outstretched, ready to smite the smug smile off of Crowley’s face.   
“Ah, ah, ah” Crowley scolds. He presses the blade into your skin. There is a stinging sensation and then you can feel a few drops of blood sliding down your neck into your shirt. “I wouldn’t come any closer unless you want your precious human girl to bleed out!”  
There is a fumbling at the curtains and Dean and Sam burst into the room. Seeing Crowley holding a knife to your throat, they stop.   
“What the hell is going on? Cas?” asks Dean.   
“The cavalry has arrived!” yells Crowley.   
You manage to say “How did you get in here? Guards, surrounded?”   
Castiel speaks before either brother is able to “I lied.” Crowley tsk’s in the background. “I wanted to get you out of here before anything happened. I failed.”  
“I will ask again!” Dean yells. “What the hell is going on here?”  
“I only want to hear one little thing. To make sure my suspicions were correct. Cas only needs to confirm what i think i know.” Crowley says. He pushes the knife further into your skin, closing your windpipe. You can’t breath.   
“You better hurry up, angel.” Crowley taunts. “She might suffocate to death before i even have a chance to slice her throat!”  
“Yes!” Cas croaks out. “You’re right. Let her go.”   
Crowley wants to prolong this a while. “What am I right about? Tell her, tell them.”   
Cas looks down at the floor. Then back up at Crowley. Not a trace of fear in his face, he is completely under control. “Yes Crowley. You are right. I have feelings for her. Feelings angels are not supposed to have. I am going against every code in Heaven and on Earth by saying this. By falling in love with a human. Falling in love with her.” He finishes.  
“Now, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Crowley says. And just like that, he vanishes, the pressure on your throat relieved.


	7. Chapter 7

You fall to the floor, on your knees gasping for breath. In an instant, Cas is kneeling next to you, your face in his hands. He moves a hand over your throat, healing the cut and bruises from your neck. You look up at him and grab his wrists. “Was that true?” You ask, your green eyes searching his bright blue ones.  
“Yes, but we shouldn’t talk about this right now. You need to rest.” He says, answering you.  
“Like hell we are!” Comes Deans voice from behind Cas, “Cas, buddy, why didnt you say anything? We could have hooked you two up! Or at least prevented Holly from almost getting her head sliced off.”  
“I’m sorry Dean. It wasn't appropriate for me to say anything. It is against every rule known to man, and angel”  
“Congratulations man,” Sam yells, thumping Cas on the back. “You couldn’t have picked a better girl to like. This one is feisty and can take on people twice her size with just a switch blade. She’s a keeper.” He finishes, giving you a wink.  
“This is all fine and dandy, but I need rest. We need to get back to the hotel.” You rasp.  
“Of course.” Cas says. He puts his fingers on your forehead and you are in the back of the impala. Sam and Dean are there too, buckling themselves into the front seats. Cas climbs into the seat next to you and buckles you in. You are in a lot of pain, your head aches terribly. Cas sees this and puts his fingers on your head one last time. You quickly fall asleep. You lean onto his shoulder. He freezes up at first but relaxes. As your breaths even out, so do his. He closes his eyes and thinks. 

When you wake up you are lying on a bed, your pajamas are on and there is light filtering in from the closed shades on the window. At first everything is a little hazy. You don't remember how you got back to the hotel room last night. In fact, you don’t remember last night. Then it slowly comes back to you. Lights, strippers, Crowley, Cas. You gasp. CAS. Thats when you feel the dip in the mattress. You look over to your side and see a bed headed Cas sitting up and staring at you. Then you look down. Pajamas. When did you have time to put on pajamas?  
“OHHHHH. Oh my god.” You exclaim. “What did we do last night?”  
Cas looks at you for a few seconds, his eyebrows furled. “What do you mean Holly?” He asks.  
“You don’t sleep. You are an angel. And you have BEDHEAD. I’m in my pajamas!” You are screaming now. Castiel is looking confused and a little shocked by your outburst. You take a deep breath and try to cam yourself. “Did we have sex last night?” you ask slowly  
Cas looks utterly shocked at this accusation. “No! No no no! Of course not!” He says loudly. “You were asleep so I put your pajamas on you and then I stayed the night to watch over you. Make sure you were breathing properly.”  
“YOU PUT MY PAJAMAS ON ME?” you bellow. “You saw me naked?”  
“Well yes. Is that not okay? I’m sorry. I thought humans wore pajamas to bed.”  
“Well, they do…” you start. “But humans don’t dress each other. They don’t see each other naked very often either.”  
“Oh” Cas says looking away. “I apologize. But if it makes you feel any better, you slept fine the entire night. I layed down next to you at one point because you were shivering.”  
You look at him and your heart melts a little bit. This is the person, or angel, that loves you. He has so much more to offer you than just a hot ass. He is sweet and he cares, and he tries. He really does try.  
“Cas” you begin, “Last night, what you said, you meant all of it? Every single word?”  
“Yes of course. Contrary to what you may think, I do not enjoy lying. Everything I said was the absolute truth. Now I realize that with me being a multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent and with you being a human, there is never anyway that we could be together. And I am fine with that. I do not want to let this get in the way of anything.”  
“Castiel.” You say slowly. “This has gotten in the way of everything.”  
“Oh, I am s-” and before he can finish his sentence you are kissing him. At first he doesn't know quite what to do so you guide his hand and place it on your back. He starts to realize what is happening and he puts his other hand on your head and kisses you back ferociously. You put one hand on his waist and the other curled in his hair. You break away for a second and look at him. His eyes are wide and he is breathing heavily.  
“Are you okay with this?” You ask gently. “If you don’t like it we can stop.”  
He furrows his eyebrows and squints at you. “Do you like it?” he asks. Your reply is simple; you press your lips back to his and continue to kiss him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I went camping for a couple days so I apologize that I couldn't get a new chapter up for a little while.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly and Castiel get it on.

Castiel wears layers and layers of clothing. What you want him to do requires a lot of movement so the layers have to come off.  
First is his beige trench coat that has probably never been washed. Then the suit jacket, the dark blue one. You stand up so you are taller than him as he sits on the bed.   
“Your shoes might want to come off too Cas.” You tell him.   
He takes his dress shoes off and kicks them underneath the bed. “Holly, I have never done this before. I am not sure what I am supposed to do actually.” He says giving you a small frown.   
Instead of returning his frown, you laugh. “Castiel” you say, “You are thousands of years old. I am 27. I have done this many times and will guide you through it. Please don’t worry. But I would like you to go and lock the room door. I really don’t want Sam or Dean walking in on what we are about to do.”  
Castiel gives you a small nod and walks over to the door and latches it. You meet him over there so when he turns around to head back to the bed, you are already there and ready to kiss him. While you are kissing he moves you along towards the bed. You loosen his tie and start unbuttoning the buttons of his white shirt. You turn him around and gently push him onto the bed so he is sitting on the edge and facing you. Damn, this boy has a lot of layers of clothing.  
His belt buckle is easy to undo and he slides his pants off. You break away once more from his mouth and look down at this person. This angel, you correct yourself. It is hard to think of him as an angel when he is only wearing white boxer shorts, a white tee shirt and black socks. You chuckle to yourself and start to remove his shirt.   
“What are you laughing at Holly? Is this body inadequate? I can get a new vessel if that is what you want.” He says looking up at you, his eyes worried.   
“No no Cas. Your body is perfect. I love it. I was just thinking how funny it was that I am about to bang an angel.” You say with a smile.   
He returns the smile and, understanding what is about to happen, he stands up, cups your face in his hands and kisses you. You bring your hands up to rest on his bare chest. This vessel is in very good shape, you can feel the muscles moving underneath your fingertips. Cas grabs the bottom of your sleep shirt and lifts it over your head, leaving you in your shorts and a bright blue frilly bra.   
Cas looks at you “You’re beautiful.’” he says. Blushing, you kiss him again, this time harder and move him onto the bed. His thumbs are wrapped in the elastic band of your shorts and he starts to slide them off.  
“I don’t think I will be completely useless” he says. “I once watched a baby sitter and a pizza man do what we are doing just a lot more violently.”  
You give him a weird look. You have no idea what he is talking about but it sounds like something Dean would watch.   
You move on top of him and he reaches over to the side of the bed and turns off the lamp.


	9. Chapter 9

You wake up a while later to find Cas next to you, under the covers, and without any clothes. You shake him to let him know you are up. Angels don’t sleep so when he doesn’t move once you have shaken him, it disturbs you. You push on him a little bit harder.   
“Cas?” You ask quietly. Still no response. “Cas?” louder. Finally he stirs and looks over at you.  
You are propped up on your elbow and have concern all over your face.  
“What is the matter? Was that not good? I’m sorry, we can try again if you would like.” He starts to babble.   
“No, it was amazing, but you were sleeping. You can't sleep.” You explain.  
He thinks about this for a few seconds before replying, “It must have been what we just did. Because that has never happened before.”   
“oh. ok.” you say. But you still can't shake why it scared you so badly.   
“Would you like any food?” he asks you. “Because i am famished.”  
Startled, you say “But you don’t eat.” This is really starting to scare you.  
“I’m sure it is just because of what we did. That is all. You should not worry about me.”   
“Fine, fine.” you say. You really just don’t want to have an argument right now. “Well, lets get dressed and go get some...food.” You say, wondering how funny it will be to watch an angel eat.  
The hotel you are staying at does not offer a continental breakfast so you go pick up the boys and drive to the nearest little mom and pop diner they can find. Castiel did not come with you, it would have been too suspicious and you are not sure how you want to tell the guys that you hanky panked an angel. You smile. That sounds really good in your head.   
Cas was amazing too, you were not lying about that. Once he got comfortable, he somehow picked up all of your signals and did exactly what he was supposed to do, and more! It was hard to believe that that was his first time.  
When you get to the diner “The Egg and I” you tell Sam and Dean that you are going to send Cas a message saying he is welcome to come eat with us. At first they complain about how angels don’t eat and it will be a waste of time and food but you bring them around. Cas comes as soon as he is asked to, but he is pale and breathing quickly. Luckily, he shows up in the hallway that leads to the bathroom, so no one saw a man appear out of thin air. He falls to his knees, gasping.   
“Cas!” you urgently whisper. “What is going on with you?” Your heart is pounding and you can feel your eyes start to moisten.   
“I’m fine” he says, putting his hands on your knee to push himself up. “I’m just tired. I need food.”  
“Since when?!” You yell! “Castiel, tell me what is going on, so help me God.”   
He sits for a minute and then slowly turns his head to yours. “Angels cannot have sexual relations with humans.” He finally says, his eyes cold.  
“What, what do you mean? What happens?” You stammer, tears filling your eyes.   
“Angels, it is forbidden. A long, long time ago the scribe of God wrote down a series of rules for humans, the Ten Commandments.” He says, still looking at you. You nod along; of course you know about the Ten Commandments. “He also wrote down another ten rules, the Celestial Commandments. These were strict guidelines every angel had to follow if he was going to keep his grace.”  
Your eyes widen. You know exactly where he is going with this.   
He continues, “There have only been a few angels to fall from grace, ever. Lucifer was one of those angels. What we did last night,” He chokes slightly, “That was a commandment. ‘Thou shalt never stray from Grace by engaging in physical relations with persons of nay Grace.’”  
You stare wide eyed at him. “You are losing your grace.” you say, your voice cracking. “You are losing it. Because of me.” At first you cant quite wrap your head around it. Then as it sets in, comes the anger. Both at him and at yourself. You grab his trench coat and pull him through the nearest door; the boys bathroom. If there are any people in there, you do not acknowledge them. Pushing castiel back against the door, you start yelling.   
“How dare you, Castiel! Your Grace?! You had no right to keep this from me! I am not worth this! No one is worth this! I cannot believe you would sacrifice your grace! Your fucking grace for some lame ass girl you barely know! You fucking idiot! You are going to die! Do you even realize that? Or did your grace leaving leave you any brains at all!?”   
This entire time, Cas has said nothing, just stared at you as you screamed. Then he walks over to you and puts his hands on your cheeks, holding you there while you calmed down. Behind him, the door opens and in walks Sam and Dean. They had started to worry when the two of you never showed up at the table. When they see Cas holding on to you, your face still flushed with anger, they freeze.  
Hesitantly, Dean asks “Is this what has been going on behind our backs? You two?”  
Cas doesn’t seem to hear them, he just keeps staring at you. “Holly, of course i realized what was going to happen. I just didn’t care. I was so sick of following orders, being who i was that I didn’t care what happened to me. As long as I got to be with you. Even for just a little while.” His thumbs caress your cheeks, wiping the tears as they start to fall.  
“I’m not not worth this, Cas. Nothing is worth this. You are going to die. Angels cannot live without their grace.”  
Sam pipes up in the background. “What is happening, Cas? You’re dying?”   
Cas lets go of your face and turns around to face them. “Last night, I brought Holly up to her room. I stayed to watch over her and make sure everything was alright. This morning we… engaged in what you might call… um.”   
“Sex?” Dean cuts him off. “You had sex with Holly?” He looks at you, “You banged an angel?”  
Normally you would have blushed, but at this moment all you could do was cry.   
Sam, starting to understand the situation says, “Cas, don’t angels die when they sleep with a mortal?”  
“They lose their grace, and yes, slowly they die.” He says looking down at the ground.   
“We gotta find a loophole, there has to be a way to fix this.” Dean starts to say.  
“We can’t change this Dean. It is out of our hands. I am dying.”  
“Well how long do you have?” Sam asks.   
Cas considers this before answering. “Well, first i will lose my powers, then my wings, and after that I will become very sick with something that has no cure. A few weeks maybe? A month tops.”   
The group looks around the room somberly, taking each other in. Everyone is quiet.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group makes plans for Cas' last month.

Back at the hotel room, you and Cas sit on the bed, holding hands. Sam sits in the chair opposite the bed and Dean leans against the wall. The silence is deafening and you can’t stand it.  
“If we cant do anything to stop this, then maybe there is something we can do to help you along.” You think for a little while. “Ok” you say turning to face the brothers, “Have you ever heard of the Make a Wish Foundation? Its for kids with an incurable disease. They are able to make a wish and go anywhere in the world they want. What if we do that?” Turning back to Cas you ask “Where have you always wanted to visit? Lets go there!”   
“You forget that i am very old and have been guarding the Earth for many millennia. I have been everywhere and seen everything.” Cas tells you calmly.  
“Yes, but in all of the time that you have been on Earth, what is something you saw people doing and thought you might like it?”  
Cas thinks quietly. “The Eiffel Tower.” He states with determination. “I have always thought it was the most beautiful and romantic place.”  
“Well, then to Paris we will go!” You excitedly say.  
Sam looks a little concerned. “One thing Holly, where are we gonna get the money?”  
“Well, I could get a second job. Just for a little while. Let me stay here in the hotel with Cas and watch over him while you two go and hunt monsters.” you suggest.   
“Exactly what skills do you have?” Sam asks.   
“Um, I can dance?” You say, questioning your own abilities.   
“Hey, strippers dance!” Dean yells, breaking his silence.  
“Crowley totally owes you a favor too, you know, almost killing you.” Sam adds.  
A stripper, you think. You could do that. Especially if it will help Cas.  
“Well, ok then.” you say with confidence. “I guess I will become a stripper.” Looking over at Castiel who is still holding your hand you ask, “Is this okay with you? People usually tip pretty well. We should be able to afford a plane ticket in about two weeks.”  
He smiles slightly at you and nods his head. “It’s fine.” He brightens a bit. “Just think, we will be in Paris two weeks from now!” You smile at him but inside your stomach is churning. What will his condition be in two weeks? Will he hold on that long? You realize that you have to be strong, strong for him. If you start to lose it, he will follow in suit and his deterioration will be that much quicker.  
“I better get that job then. Pack it up boys, we are driving to Atlanta.”  
~~  
Normally when the group drives together somewhere, Dean plays his classic rock and Sam is on his phone looking for more possible cases in the area but today with Cas’s grace, the Impala was covered in a shroud of silent fog. No music, no talking, just the hum of the engine. Every once in a while you would look over at Cas, just to see how he was doing. He never changed. Being an angel meant he could stay as still as stone for endless hours, never moving, barely even breathing but now, although he still doesn't move, his breathing is raspy and occasionally he will cough. You grab his hand and hold it in your lap. He can sense you every time you look at him and he gives your hand a small squeeze. With the lull of the road and the silence, you drift in and out of sleep often.   
Somewhere around Louisiana, the car stops and jolts Cas awake, his face clammy with sweat.   
Sam turns around to look at you. “We’re stopping for the night.” he says. “What do you want to eat?”  
You look over at Cas who is staring out the window. “Um anything is fine.” you answer without looking at Sam.   
“Cas? What about you?” Sam says turning to the angel.   
“A burger.” He says with a scratchy voice.   
“A burger it is.” Sam turns around and motions to Dean to keep driving until they find a burger joint. Dean pulls to park in front of a little red building. It has graffiti on one of the walls and the ‘O’ in the neon OPEN sign is flickering on and off, mostly just saying PEN.   
You get out of your door and walk around the side of the car to help Castiel get out. Slowly, you make your way towards the door and open it, triggering a little bell to go off overhead.  
This place looks like it is straight out of the fifties. Betty Boop and other iconic figures line the walls. Coca Cola products are scattered around everywhere. The Lady behind the cash register looks up, her full red curls framing her face. He is older, probably closing in on 60 and plump, probably from eating here at this grease bowl. She smiles at you and welcomes you to “Al’s Eatatorium.” Dean looks excited, I take it that he has never been to an “Eatatorium” before.   
She guides us to a booth near the window. There are only two other people in here; an old man with a bandana around his head who looks like he might be a biker. The other is a middle aged woman sitting on one of the bar stools with a glass of bourbon on the rocks in front of her. She looks like she has seen better days.   
Haven’t we all? you think.   
Taking your seats, Cas on the inside so he can look out the window, you order your drinks; a beer for Dean, Pepsi for Sam, a lemonade for you and water with lemon for Castiel.  
The lady with the curls, Mindy, her name tag says, leaves with a smile, promising the drinks will be here shortly. Dean and Sam share a look and then turn towards Cas.  
“Hey buddy,” Dean starts, “How are you doing today?”   
Cas looks at Dean, no emotion on his face. “I’m fine. Tired and hungry, but no worse than I was yesterday.” He concludes.   
Mindy comes back with your drinks and asks if you are ready to order. She looks towards Cas, awaiting his answer. “A double cheeseburger with no pickles” he orders. She smiles a little bit, concern showing plain as day on her face for this man she doesn’t know. Dean orders two of the “Al’s Big Bomber” claiming one is for the road. You know better. Sam gets a chicken and swiss wrap and you settle for an 8oz steak. Fifteen minutes later or so, your food comes and you all eat in silence, the only sound is the scraping of silverware and chewing. Occasionally the biker a few tables away burps or coughs, disturbing the quiet. When you finish and there is, of course, no leftover burgers from Dean, you get up, helping Cas out of the booth and head to the counter to pay Mindy. She smiles and takes your fake credit card. Just as you are about to leave, She calls behind you. “Young man?” She says, making you and the guys turn around. She points at Cas, “Young man come here please.”  
Cas looks at you wearily and when you nod, he starts to walk towards her. She meets him halfway and grabs his hands in hers. She looks into his eyes and starts to talk quietly, low enough so you can’t hear what she is saying. She closes her eyes and takes away one of her hands to move in a cross formation on Cas. He is standing very still. She opens her eyes and speaks a few more things to Cas then drops his hands. He starts to turn away from her and she says “God be with you.” He thanks her and heads back to you.   
When you get outside Dean asks “What did she do to you Cas?”  
Very simply he replies “She blessed me and then prayed for my health.”  
Your heart warms a little bit. “That was very sweet of her.” you say smiling.  
“It will not do any good. Humans have so much faith and nothing to base it on. Praying will do nothing except waste your time. It was a nice gesture but worthless. I am dying and God isn’t here.”  
By this time you have reached the Impala and Cas opens the door, gets in and shuts it before anyone can reply to what he said. You stand there, shell shocked, a few seconds.   
Castiel has lost all of his faith. Every last bit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly asks Crowley for a job.

You make it to Atlanta the next day. The motel you chose is very low budget. As soon as you pull up, you bring Cas to the room you have booked. This motel is only a couple blocks from the club that Crowley owns, that way the boys can continue to hunt for a couple of weeks as you make a few extra dollars. Cas plops down on bed and you sit by him.   
“I’m scared Holly. I’ve died before but they were so quick i didn’t have time to think about it. This time is is slow and painful. I am really scared.” He says sadly, looking at you.   
“Shh, shh. You will be fine. Like you’ve said, you’ve already died a couple times, this time will be no different. I’m sure that it will be nothing to be scared of.” You look down at him and stroke his hair. Curiously you ask “Where do angels go any way?”   
“I don’t know.” He says putting his hand on yours, the one not on his head.   
You lean down to him so you can whisper “Then it will be your next great adventure.”   
And with that he closes the distance between you and kisses you. You hold his face in your hands and start to cry. He breaks away and wipes the tears from your cheeks.   
“No no, dont cry. I will be fine, I’m sure. Like you said, new adventure!” He says, trying to sound enthusiastic. You get yourself under control and promise yourself to never cry in front of him, it will only make it harder on him. So you give him a smile, covering your tears and say okay.  
The next day you go and try to seek out Crowley, hoping he will still be at “Devils Run.” You have to leave Cas which is something you hate to do just in case something happens to him. Sam bought him a new cell phone and gave him the numbers on speed dial of him, Dean and you. He knows exactly what to do in an emergency. God, he sounds like a child. The club was only a ten minute walk and it is very easy to spot, even in the daytime when there is not pulsing music and bright strobe lights. The bouncers at the door ask you for an ID which you obediently hand over, your real one, not one of the dozens of fake ones you keep on you at all times. He nods and opens the doors. It is only 9:00 am and that is definitely not a good time for bussiness at clubs. There are only three strippers right now and they don’t have any of the pizzaz as the others a few nights ago. This must be their B team. You approach the bartender and ask him to see the owner. He gives you a suspicious eye and has one of the bouncers come and escort you to a room in the back of the club, separate from the lap dance ones. He opens the curtain for you and for the second time that week you are breathing the same air as the King of Hell. Big whoop. “Looky looky” he says in a friendly voice but he is not smiling. “You had to come back for some of this didn’t you.” He says gesturing to his body.   
“I’m here because of Castiel actually.” you say, wanting to get your point right out in the open.   
“Oh, lover boy. What about him?” Crowley asks, squinting his eyes.   
“He is sick. I need money. I was hoping that since you owed me a favor, I could come and work here.” You state.  
“Hold up. I owe YOU a favor? Since when?” He says.  
“Since that one time you held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me if Cas didn’t declare his love.” You say dramatically.  
“That was nothing sweetums!” He shouts with a laugh. “I would never have actually killed you. That was all for just a little show.” He says trying to sound innocent.   
“I dont give two shits.” You are really starting to get pissed off. “All i want is a job Crowley; server, bartender, stripper, I don’t care!” You finish forcefully.   
“I suppose I could find something for you. Strippers are tipped very well you know.” He looks you over once, “By both men and women.” He says with a slight sneer.   
You give him a snarky smile. “When can I start?”  
“First we have to think of an act for you. What is going to be your signature costume?” He asks, thinking it over himself.   
“Um, hunter? Give me a fake gun, knife and lots of leather. I already know that so it will be easy.” You suggest.  
Crowley wrinkles his face again. “That might work.” He contemplates. “Yeah whatever, why not. You can dance can’t you?”  
“Yeah yeah.” you confirm. You ask again, “When do I start?”   
“Tonight.” Crowley says, giving you a grin.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly gets a job as a stripper at Crowley's club

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it has taken me three weeks to post something new. I have been on vacation and I've not had my computer on me.

It is 8:00 and you just showed back up at the club wearing a trench coat that covers your entire costume. You have done your makeup and it accentuates your features, giving many contours to your face you didn’t know you had. When you finished preparing, you showed Castiel, who was still in bed, and he gave you a thumbs up. You then kissed him on the forehead and headed out for your first day at this new job. The only job you ever knew was hunting, so this will be very different and will probably take an adjustment period. As long as you don’t knife anybody here, you are okay with it.   
Crowley welcomes you with a bearhug and starts to go over the requirements for the night.  
“number one” he says “Always keep your panties on. You are not a hooker. Number two: Lap dances are expensive so if someone asks for one, do a good job. Number three: use your props. Guys and ladies love that. And lastly number four: Try to have fun. it is always better if you have a smile on your face.” And with that he grabs your trench coat and swings it open. You went shopping today because you had nothing even remotely sexy in your bags. Your “hunter” costume, which by the way, a hunter would never be caught dead in, is made up of small, break away leather shorts, a leather crop top, army boots and a thigh holster for your fake gun. Your switch blade is in your bra, which is also leather and not super comfortable.   
Crowley gives an approving nod to your get up and instructs you that platform C is all yours for tonight.   
You are sweating. You have never danced for people before and are slightly afraid to. You walk up the stairs and hear clapping behind you. You grab the pole and just move straight into it. You don’t have routine but it is surprisingly easy without one. You dance, they cheer, they throw money and stick it in your pants or shirt. It goes on like this for a while and soon it is 1:00 and the club is being closed. You are hot and sticky, and your legs throb from moving them in weird angles but you are smiling. That was actually fun. You grab your coat and head out into the night, saying goodbye to a few people as you leave. You didnt even have to give a lap dance. Awesome.   
The night is cold so you put on your coat. You walk back to the motel in silence. Hardly anyone is out at this hour, even so, you are glad you have a knife on you. When you get back to the room, Cas is asleep in the same spot you left him. He is curled in a ball away from you and has on white boxer shorts and socks. He looks so peaceful. You start to undress when out of the corner of your eye you see something shimmer. You turn towards it but it has fanished. You are in your panties and crop top, your hair a mess. Now is not the time to have to fight anything. You see it again and this time is is slightly larger. When you look you see it is coming from Cas’ back. creeping towards him so he doesn’t wake, you stretch out your arm to touch the glimmer only your hand goes straight through it. Cas stretches a little bit and the glimmer spreads, quickly, almost too fast for you eyes. But the shape it made was unmistakable. The glimmer outlined a pair of wings starting at Castiel’s back. You widen your eyes and make a small noise in the back of your throat. You just saw an angels wings. No one sees an angels wings unless the angel is dead. You gasp as soon as your brain processes what you just saw and what it might mean; if you could see his wings, that means that he is not far from losing them.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A daily routine develops as Cas gets sicker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a really short chapter, sorry!

The next few days go by quickly and a routine has developed. You sleep in until 11:00 am and then wake up to find Cas next to you, in bed like always, reading or looking at something on the computer. You get dressed in your normal clothes and go out into the town, always finding a small nick nack or two to bring home to Cas. His condition doesn’t change much, but every night when you come home from Devil’s Run, you see the glimmer of his wings and every night it gets a little bit brighter. On your breaks from dancing or giving lap dances, you call Cas to check in. Dean and Sam call every single day, wanting to see if anything new has happened and if they should head back. They were in Kentucky when you gave them a call, 17 days since they had left; Cas started coughing up blood. It was 3:36 in the morning and you were asleep, your legs tangled with him when he gave a gasp that woke both of you up.   
“Hey, what’s wrong?” you asked, tiredly.  
He doesnt reply with words but with a series of violents coughs. He covers his mouth until he is finished and when he brings his hands away from his face, you see that they are speckled with red.   
You gasp and bolt up, getting him a glass of water and a paper towel. He continues to cough for the next several minutes, coating his hands with more blood. When he starts to calm down, you give Dean’s cell a try.   
“Hello” comes a groggy voice on the other line. “Do you fucking realize what time it is?” He asks.  
“Dean” you start, ignoring his tone, “It’s Cas.”  
From the other side of the phone you can hear bed sheets crinkle and a second voice join the first. “What about him? What happened?” Dean presses, his voice urgent.  
“He just woke up and started to cough up blood. We need to go to Paris now. No more waiting.”  
Sam has the phone now. “I will get right on that. We will be there tomorrow. Be ready with your stuff packed when we get there.”   
You give a little sniffle and say you will. The line goes dead and you look back at Cas, his wings glimmering more than ever.   
“We are losing you bit by bit.” You whisper, quiet enough so he can’t hear.  
You lay back down and wrap your arms around his waist. He is shuddering a bit so you pull up the blanket around his shoulders. He starts to mellow out and soon you can hear his breathing becoming steadier as he drifts off. You hold him like this for a long time, your head against his. Tears begin to trickle onto the pillow and you fall asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Winchesters, Cas, and Holly begin their trip to Paris.

Your sleep for the rest of the night was fitful, and by six, you decide to just get up and face the day. Trying to be as quiet as you can, you start to pack up the room. You lay out a fresh pair of clothes for you and Cas and a book for him to read on the way to the airport. Before he wakes up, you head down to the club to receive your paycheck. All of the tips you made are already at the motel. You thank Crowley and he gives your hand a shake before you leave. You wave at the bartender on the way out, Ralph. He is pretty nice for a demon. Jogging back the the motel, you see the Impala parked in the lot. By this time it is 9:00. The boys must have driven all night to get here when they did. You go into the lobby and find them sitting in chairs waiting. You wave to them and give them each a quick hug before dragging them to the room you are sharing with Castiel. He is still asleep when you open the door.   
“Cas? Hey Cas” you say, gently shaking him.  
He stirs a bit and looks up at you. “What is it? are you going out?”  
“No,” you say gently, “we are going to Paris today. Come on, let’s get you dressed.”  
Sam and Dean help you put his clothing on and move him to the Impala. The drive to the airport is quick and Cas stares out the window the entire time, looking at the city he is leaving behind and may never return to. You see a tear is sliding down his cheek. You lean over and wipe it off, grabbing his hand in the process. He looks at you and gives you a small smile. ‘I love you’ he mouths. ‘I love you too’ you mouth back.   
The airport is busy and loud and the next plane for paris doesn’t leave for another three hours. While Sam buys the tickets, you find Cas a place to sit while Dean goes and buys a pizza. When in doubt, eat, he always says.   
The airport is jammed full of people so you decide to play a game with Cas. The goal is to pick one person and try to guess their life’s story by just looking at them. You start.  
“Okay, see that girl over their in the red peacoat?” You say pointing to a young woman with long wavy blonde hair and Jimmy Choo heels, “I say that her name is something posh and fancy, like Michelle.”  
“Mmm, okay, Michelle.” Cas says, staring intently at her.  
“You see the way she is yelling at the ticket person? That means she is used to getting her way. She’s rich and the Jimmy Choo’s that she is wearing support my guess. I bet she lives in Paris and was in Atlanta for a business meeting or the opening of some new and highly exclusive club.” You finish, feeling proud of your sleuth skills. “Your turn.” You say to Cas. He looks around before settling on a middle aged man pushing a two person stroller and carrying a diaper bag.   
“The gray in his hair suggests he is the father of these two children. He is wearing a nice suit so i assume he works in an office, probably a supervisor. He is holding the diaper bag as well as pushing the stroller so i assume he is a single father. Let’s call him Bill. The children are loud and obnoxious, even when he tells them to quiet down so i would say that he is in the office most of the time and hires a full time nanny to watch the kids. She is who they take orders from. Not him.” He finishes and looks over at you. Your mouth is open and you are staring.   
“Holy shit man. That is probably spot on. I thought i was the good one at this game but you blew me out of the water. Great job! What do you say i go and ask him what his name is. I want to know if you got that part right.”  
“Oh come on Holly, don’t do that. He will be angry.” Cas protests.  
You stand up. “No” you say “It will be fun. One second i will be right back.” and with that you hurry over to “Bill” to ask what his name is.   
Cas motions you back over and you give the guy a small wave and say goodbye.   
“Okay what did you find out?” He asks hesitantly.   
“His name is not Bill, sorry, It is Richard, though he wants me to call him Dick. That is his phone number” you say pointing to your arm, “ and those two lovely children of his are Abigail and Peter. Twins.” you add.  
“You’re amazing you know that?” Cas says holding your hand.   
“Yeah” you smile “I know.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas is afraid of flying

Cas’ knuckles are white as he grips the sides of the plane seat. His face is super pale. The plane is picking up speed and his breaths are coming fast and shallow. Dean and Sam are sitting behind the two of you, Sam in the isle so his humongous tree trunk legs aren't squished. You gave Cas the window so he could look out and not feel so scared. Castiel, the once fearless angel, is now making weird noises as the plane leaves the ground. You stroke up and down his leg. “Cas, its alright. They are perfectly safe.” The sound of your voice must have calmed him down because in the next ten minutes he was asleep. The next time he opened his eyes, he would be in Paris.  
The plane touches down and you poke Cas’ arm, waking him. There is a little drool stain on his trench coat and his hair is all ruffly on one side. He looks adorable  
“Come on hon, we’re here!” You say with a bright smile, your first real one in weeks.  
Even he seems to brighten up a bit and takes your hand, letting you help him up.   
“Eiffel tower, here we come!”  
The hotel that Sam picked was more expensive than the ones you usually stayed in. He was splurging but you didn't want to think about why.   
Once Cas was all comfy on the bed nearest the window, Dean orders room service and Sam takes a shower. You turn on the tv but every channel is in french and you don’t speak it so you give up and go sit by Cas at the window. The room they got over looks the city and you can even see the Eiffel tower in the distance. Cas is looking down at the pedestrians, watching them as the weave in and out of traffic, in and out of work, in and out of life. You look at him for a long time, watching him study the people. He really is beautiful. You both sit that way for a long time, and only stop when there is a knock at the door and a bell boy saying he has our food.  
Sam comes out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist. He grabs a burger and head back into the bathroom with it, not a word to anyone. Dean is quiet too. No one wants to talk about the situation at hand, no one wants to think about the future. Cas has become such a constant part in the lives of you and the boys that you can’t even remember a time when he wasn’t there. You don’t want to remember a time he wasn’t there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel loses his wings

That night you are woken up by violent retching coming from the bathroom. Rolling over you notice that the mattress is empty. Your eyes widen in the dark, the pupils dilating. You immediately bolt out of bed and run the the bathroom. There you find Castiel hovering over the toilet, his face stained with vomit and blood. Behind him, his wings shimmer brighter than ever before, tremors of light rocketing through them. Behind you Dean and Sam have woken up and are standing outside of the bathroom. “Cas!” you shout but he gives no indication that you are there. You kneel behind him, rubbing his back. All of a sudden his back arches and his hands grip the toilet seat. He claws at his shirt and you help him remove it. Looking at him writhing on the ground you think he looks like a savage animal. You freeze and your mind goes blank. You start to cry and scream his name. “Castiel! Cas stop! What is happening!” you say, choking in between each word. Dean realizes that you are doing no good and lifts you up from under your arms and drags you kicking and screaming to the bed. You fight him but it is no use, he is three times your size. You cry and he holds you, rocking you back and forth, holding your head. Sam is now kneeling next to Cas who is convulsing on the ground and screaming. The light coming from his wings is so blinding that Sam has to look away. Cas gives out one last yell and he is lifted from the ground. Suddenly it stops. He is lying back on the floor. The bathroom is quiet and Cas has stopped moving. There are deep red cuts on his back and blood is pooling around his torso. Dean lets go of you and runs to the bathroom. You sit on the bed and hold your knees, praying to a God that you don’t believe in, praying to make Cas’ death quick. Sam has a bloody rag in his hand and is rinsing it in the sink. He walks over to you and pulls you into a hug.   
“He is not dead yet holly. His wings are gone though. If we don’t stitch him up, he will bleed out.” He hugs you tighter and plants a kiss in your hair. Then he leaves and the bathroom door shuts. With no one to see you, you grab a pillow and start screaming. You curse God, you curse life, you curse yourself and Cas. You scream until your voice is hoarse and the pillow is soaked in tears and saliva. Then you just sit. You stare at the bathroom until sometime later, the door opens and Sam comes out, carrying Castiel, the fallen angel, in his arms. He lays him down on the bed, belly down and you get a good look at his cuts. There are two, exactly where the shimmering started and they are about four inches long. Castiel is sleeping, he probably fainted from the pain actually. You lay down next to him and play with his hair. Sam and Dean just sit for a while and watch until you fall asleep.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang gets ready to go to Paris.

When you wake up, the room is light and you can smell bacon. Sitting up you rub your eyes and yawn. Dean is sitting on the bed opposite of you and Sam is in a chair. They are both watching the lump next to you. Cas. You turn over and pull back the covers which are stained with blood. Castiel is still on his stomach, his hands flat on his sides. His breathing is even. If you didn’t see the blood or cuts, you would think he was just another healthy human. But he wasn’t, and you didn’t know how much longer he had. You thought for sure that you were going to lose him last night. Sam gives you a look you can only take as we need to keep moving. You sigh and nod.   
“Cas?” you say, running your fingers through his hair. He mumbles into the pillow.   
“Cas, come on. It’s Eiffel tower day. Let’s get up okay?” you say, trying to sound cheerful.  
He starts to push himself up and out of bed but lets out a small cry of pain and flops back onto the bed.  
“Where are my wings?” he asks in a very small voice. When no one answers right away he asks again. “Where are my wings? I can’t feel my wings, where are they?” He is sounding desperate now.   
“Holly! My wings, i can’t feel them. They’re gone. Where are my wings? Holly? Holly!”  
You try to calm him down but nothing is working. He gets hysterical and starts to cry.   
“I can’t feel them. I cant. I cant. What happened? Please, what happened?!”  
He starts to shake and Dean comes over to hold him still  
“Cas, buddy. They’re gone. Last night. There was a lot of screaming and then a very bright light. They are gone Cas. I am so sorry.” Dean tries to explain to the bloody former angel.  
With Deans help, Cas sits up. Sam goes and gets a wheelchair from the lobby, suspecting that Cas will have difficulty walking today.  
Cas doesnt speak again for a very long time. You know that an angel without wings is even less than a human and he must know that too. Where will he go when he is gone? He isn’t an angel and not quite a human. He doesn’t fit in anywhere. You are very worried that he will be sent to purgatory to live the rest of eternity fighting off monsters of unimaginable power. He isn’t skilled with hand to hand combat, he always had his powers and he never really had to fight like that. He won’t last a day in purgatory. And what then? What happens when he dies there? Does he just cease to exist?   
All of these thoughts racing through your head block out the voices of the people around you.   
“Hols?” Dean asks, his hand on your shoulder, shaking you gently. “Hey Hols, snap out of it. We need you here.”  
Your eyes clear and you see you’re still in the hotel, Cas is now sitting in a wheelchair looking out the window and Sam is looking at his phone.  
“Yeah, yeah sorry. Spaced out there for a second. Sorry again.” you say sheepishly, looking at Dean.   
“You’ve got to pull yourself together Holly. We don’t know how much longer he has, and seeing you like this, it’s going to kill him. He won’t make it another day.” Dean is whispering now, making sure Castiel can’t hear him.   
You shake your head, tears forming in your eyes. “I can’t do this Dean. I can’t lose him.”  
Dean grabs your face and stares at you, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “It is hard, I know. God I know. But you have to Holly. Be strong.” you close your eyes and the hands let go of your face, chilling your cheeks. You swallow and hold your head up. You are going to do this. You are going to make this day so special for him. You have to.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holly and Castiel bond in France by playing the airport game at the Eiffel Tower.

Fortunately, the hotel had an elevator so you push Cas and press the button for the lobby. Cas still has not said anything, you haven’t either, don’t want to push him. The elevator dings and the doors open. You grab the wheelchairs handles and push him into the open room. The continental breakfast is already closed; you don’t think you would be able to eat anything anyways. Sam and Dean took the stairs and you can see them coming out of the stairwell and heading toward you right now. You give a small smile and Sam gestures to the wheelchair. You nod and he takes the handles in his hand and pushes Cas out the door into the crisp French air.  
10:00 on a weekday is a very busy time for Paris, judging by the people bustling everywhere. Sam, who is pushing Cas, takes up the lead and steers everyone to a small bakery on the other side of the street. Dean holds the doors open so Sam can fit the wheelchair through. The lady at the counter welcomes us in French as points to a table by the window. Dean and Sam order these small sandwich things and Cas gets a bowl of soup. You don’t eat anything and you wonder how the boys can possibly keep their food down. Instead, you look out the window and watch city life as it walks past; not a care in the world. You envy them. When the guys are done eating they pay the cashier and push Cas outside. He takes a deep breath and lets it out.  
“If we are ever going to the tower, we might as well do it now.” He says.  
“Of course we are going to do it. That is the entire reason we are in France silly.” You reply. All you want is for him to smile, a real smile, not one that doesn’t reach his eyes. You are hoping that going to the Eiffel Tower will give him that, a last little bit of happiness. You need that happiness too.  
The walk to the tower is quiet but the day is warm and the buzz of distant conversations works as a nice background noise. Castiel still isn’t talking much so you have an idea.  
“Cas, let’s play the game. The one from the airport” you clarify.  
“I’m not really in the mood Holly” Cas starts to object.  
“Come on Cas. You were so good at it! Pleaseee” You lean down and give him your most pitiful puppy dog eyes.   
He sighs but gives you a small smile. “Yeah ok.” He looks around and spots someone. “That old lady walking out of the cupcake shop. She has got to be pushing 60 and has dark brown hair. That is not natural so she likes to look younger than she is. I am guessing then she is a cougar, has a younger man to dote on her in her older age. She is very well dressed too. No wedding ring. She isn’t married.” He is really into this and his eyes have more life in them than they have in a couple weeks. “Ok I think i am done, unless those cupcakes are for children then that means he has been married before and has some grandkids. I am guessing her name is Mary, or Margaret.” he says with a thoughtful expression. “Your turn” he says giving you a sweet look.   
“Why don’t you pick out a person for me?” you suggest.  
He looks around the square where you have stopped, Sam and Dean watching the two of you closely. Eventually Cas decides on a young black man wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase.   
“Hmmm” you muse. “Ok his name is Jeff. He works at a clothing company, maybe Chanel? It is right here in Paris. He might be gay. Or he really just likes design. Um, he does very well for himself, that suit is Westwood, super expensive so I am guessing he is supervisor or manager of one of the departments, maybe menswear or cologne?” You say, explaining each part carefully. The entire time you were describing this man, Cas was looking at you, not hearing what you were saying, only looking at your face lighten which each adjective. When you finish you look down at him, and he is smiling. A real smile. Your eyes fill with tears and you kiss him. right there in the middle of the square where anyone can see.   
When you break away, you smile at him. “Lets go to see that tower.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mourning...

Castiel died two days after he saw the Eiffel Tower. Two days after he gave his last real smile. Two days after he was happy for the last time.   
He died in his sleep, painlessly. You woke to find the hand you had held falling asleep was now as cold as ice. At first you couldn't speak, but once you could, you screamed. You shook him and shook him, yelling his name, yelling for him to wake up, yelling for him to come back to you. Sam grabbed you by your waist and pulled you into the bathroom so Dean could get Cas’ body out of the bed. You punched and hit him, screaming for him to let you go. That only made him hold you tighter and talk to you in a soothing voice. Then you stopped, you realized that he was gone and screaming wasn’t going to bring him back. That’s when the tears started. You sobbed into Sam’s shirt, wetting it with saltwater. You cried and he held you for what seemed like hours. At one point he started to cry too, so you held him. You sat like that for a while, holding each other as you cried. Eventually the pain ebbed away and left you with a hollow feeling. You let go of Sam and sat looking at your hands, thinking about how happy you had been two days ago. You had let yourself feel a shred of hope when he smiled at you. And a shred more when he shouted he loved you at the top of his lungs on the Eiffel Tower, claiming the whole world needed to know. That shred of hope had been crushed. Your heart was broken and all you could do was sit silently on the floor of the hotel bathroom, waiting for the pain to leave. Sam left you in there at one point to go help Dean with Cas. You barely noticed him leave. Dean came in to see if you wanted food a couple hours later. You barely heard him. You stayed in there all day, staring at the wall, the ceiling, the shower, trying to see what life would be like now.   
Sometime in the afternoon Dean came in and tried to help you to your feet. You didn’t want to move so he lifted you up like a child and carried you to his bed. You clung onto his shirt and squeezed your eyes shut, not wanting to see Castiel’s lifeless body sprawled on the floor. Dean rocked you back and forth, his arms encircling you.   
When you tried to speak, your voice cracked and you sounded hoarse “It’s my fault” you say, opening your eyes and looking at Dean. “It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have slept with him. I should have not, not” you can’t finish your sentence.   
“This is in no way your fault Holly. He fell in love with you. He knew what the consequences would be. Do not ever blame this on you.” He says fiercely, gripping you tighter.  
“We should have a memorial service.” you suggest softly.   
“He would love that Hols. He would have loved that.” He closes his eyes and you feel one of his tears hit your cheek.   
Yeah, you think, he would love that.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral

That night, to keep yourself busy, you have preparations made. Dean had already brought Cas’ remains to the crematory so you just have to set a date and get out invitations. Most of them will be by angel radio, the only people Cas knew were angels. You decide that two weekends from now will be good. It was March and if you had the ceremony back home in Washington, you might get some nice weather. The urn you picked out for Cas was a grecian vase with a cherub painted on. You had it engraved also, it read “An age old hero, may he be remembered.” You thought it fit the occasion perfectly. Sam bought tickets online and the next day, and with everything packed, you got the next flight out to Seattle. 

~~

The attendance at the memorial service is small. But that is fine because you only invited a few select angels. Gabriel is there, so is Balthazar. You even invited Crowley. Bobby and Jody Mills were there also. There was no sort of pastor, Castiel would have thought it foolish, with God being gone. Gabriel is sitting in the corner chair, not talking for once in his life. Balthazar has a glass of vodka in his hand and the bottle in the other; he is downing it in one gulp. Crowley is talking to Bobby and Jody, probably trying to make some sort of soul deal, but you don’t care about that right now. Right now, you are just replaying all of the good memories with Cas you have, over and over in your head. The time he ate an entire pumpkin pie and Dean threw one of Sam’s books at him for not sharing. The time he lost his trench coat and dragged you all over the country trying to find it, finally finding it in a Jamestown, Virginia cottage. The time he finally told you he loved you.   
A tear slips over your cheek and you wipe it away with the back of your hand. You loved Cas, the angel who sacrificed everything, but now you know that you have to continue doing what you do best, hunting. You find Sam and Dean and cluster around them.  
“We need to get back on the road” you say. “I want out of here. You are the only family I have left and I want to go and kill something with you.”  
Dean grins. “Saving people, Hunting things”  
“Family business” you finish for him.


	21. Epilogue

Heaven is especially quiet that day. The Winchesters just held a funeral for one of the most famous angels ever. Castiel, the angel who fell more than once. The angel who cannot die.   
Gabriel walks over to a man who is turned and looking out at something he cannot see.   
“You should go to them.” Gabriel says.  
The man doesn’t answer for a while. “They are better off not knowing.” He finally says.  
“You do realize that without you, they are going to get themselves killed right?” Gabe tries to explain.  
“They will be fine. They were fine before me and they will be fine after me.” The man replies.   
“Just let them know that you are not dead.” Gabriel pleads.  
“That will only make it harder for them. I will appear to them only as their last hope. That is final.” The man walks off, but not before grabbing a dirty beige trench coat out of the clouds and putting it on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked my story. It was the first large one I had ever written and I had a blast writing it. I know it probably isn't as good some others you have read but practice makes perfect and I happen to be writing another. Thank you for sticking with me.


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